Timeline

In January I attended Further Confusion in San Jose, as usual. I also volunteered for an IEEE conference. In February I went back to San Jose and did a quiz bowl-type thing with friends. We somehow managed to get second place. I also started volunteering for the front desk at the Center, which has been a good time. In March I saw All Dogs Go to Heaven with friends. April was LVFC with many of those same friends. In May, I went to Galactic Camp fur con, where I got to take an Amtrak to see a decommissioned Navy boat. In June I rode a helicopter, and in July I reorganized a club.

In August, Violet and I realized one of our pet ferrets, Dipper, was losing a lot of weight. Despite our best efforts, involving about a thousand dollars in medical bills and trips to the ER, he eventually passed away from cancer. God knows I did what I could, but

September Vi and I went to AFC. In October I finally finished her fursuit, after three years of procrastinating. In November I held a Friendsgiving like last year, and in December I crashed into the end of the semester

Reflection

I am so tired.

I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. Basically all the same emotions I had last year, I still have this year. Especially that bit about school. Actually, all the same stuff about school: financial issues, no motivation, tired all the time, etc.

2024 and 2025 don’t feel real to me. Like, I feel like 2023 was the last year that meant something, and it should be the last year that mattered. The last two years feel like pandemic years, where I can’t remember anything significant happening

We’re over halfway through the twenties, over a half decade since the start of that pandemic. I’m officially in my late twenties and I don’t know what to do, or what I’m supposed to do.

I feel aimless. I feel helpless. Almost everything is out of my control and I never have the energy to affect the little that is in my control. I feel like I should’ve accomplished more at this point in my life. I no longer beat myself up over it since I’ve accepted that my mental health issues are a significant barrier that many of my peers don’t have to deal with, but I’m scared that there’s also nothing I can do to overcome those barriers.

Beyond being stubborn as f***, of course. That aspect of my personality is still there.

The weird thing is, I also feel like I’m at the least neurotic and lonely I’ve been in years. I have a good support structure and I know how to recognize situations where my emotions are taking over. I’m not sad but I’m also not motivated.

So, what now?

I keep trying to move forward, I guess. The world’s on fire, but there’s nothing I can do, but also I should at least grab an extinguisher in case any parts of the fire come towards me. Maybe I should work towards getting that extinguisher.

I’ve technically taken all the classes I need for my major. All I need to do now is actually pass the dang things. The professors at UNLV are no help; I felt relieved hearing my academic advisor admit as much, so I’m not too upset about having to take a second pass. What I am upset about is the money I’m spending. Also, the fact that the classes aren’t offered until Fall. I probably could benefit from spacing those classes out, but I’m also tired of UNLV. At least I finally have the time to look for a full-time job. If only the job market wasn’t also on fire.

I want to be creative, for real this time. I want to make 3D models and start my webcomic and do web development and write. I’m tired of doing nothing but watch YT Shorts all day. I just hope I can figure out how to get out of this rut in 2026.

Happy New Year everyone.